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ALLOWING DEFEAT
by Joyce E. Pennington
In observing the trends of today's youth and their
parents, I have found that over the past ten years a
trend has formed. Some parents have a true 'phobia' of
allowing their children to experience disappointment or
defeat in any form. Instead of scolding a small child
for doing something wrong, the parent will just
"distract" the child with a toy or treat and never
correct them. If the tears ever come, the parent becomes
almost desperate to avoid the child's disappointment.
As the child is older
and goes into high school programs and activities, some
parents have accelerated this method to the point where
the teachers and administrators are "always wrong" and
the child is "always right." Instead of helping the
child as they are hoping to do, the damage begins to
multiply and life skills are tossed out the window. By
the time they go away to college or seek a career, and
they realize they are not in control of the situation,
they are ready to quit and try something else.
I have observed this
exact situation when my oldest son went to the
University of Texas. His roommate was a successful
student in high school as senior class President, as
well as graduating cum laude. When he arrived at UT, he
was helpless in that his mother had always done
everything for him including cooking, washing clothes
and buying any necessities. After three weeks of not
waking up for classes, he cried to my son to, "Please
throw cold water on me to make me get up!". He had no
furniture in his room and did not know how to go out and
look for it because he had never had to do anything for
himself. By the end of the semester, he had dropped out
of school and went back home. The next semester he
registered at SMU and lived at home. He graduated with
honors in three years, only because his mother would
wake him every morning for classes, iron his clothes and
cook for him. Even though he was a brilliant young man,
he was helpless to function without someone else's help.
As a parent, it is so difficult to see our children
disappointed. We know that we have the control to put
them in a 'glass cage' and shield them from so much.
Unfortunately, we are not helping them with the life
skill values that they so desperately need. What is more
valuable to our children is learning how to cope, make
adjustments, and compromise? Learn how to be a 'team
player' and sacrifice so that the group does better.
They need to realize that not everything is always equal
and if it is unequal, it is not necessarily unfair. It
is LIFE. Students today are eager to have restrictions
and guidelines for their lives. It is a challenge that
they can meet and learn.
As a parent and
educator, I challenge the parents of today to reevaluate
their approach to their children NOW, before it is too
late. Help them to cope with adversity by allowing them
to problem solve with you. Teach them that not always do
things work out as planned. Encourage them to set short
term and long term goals and know that they are not
always automatically achieved.
Remind them that when
"God closes a door, He opens a window." There will
always be something good for everyone who is honest,
works hard and treats everyone with fairness and
respect. As teachers and educators, we need to emphasize
these same values to our students and try not to make
them 'robots' who cannot make their own wise decisions.
These are the values that will make it a better world
for all. |
